Finally here

Babygirl, our sweet little princess is finally here. She is already 9 days old :).

Ms Ooi Jia Qi. It has been quite a difficult delivery, not physically but emotionally. Granny passed away on Wesak Day, 17th May, 3 days before I delivered. I still feel the pain and tears up automatically each time I think of her. Of cos, of both grannies, I am closer to Penang one. Dad told me today that she kept asking mum when am I delivering. Sigh, I wish she had the chance to meet her 1st great grandchild.

Mum then got hospitalised 1 week after granny passed away, and till today has not met Qiqi yet. I never needed mum so much before, I really wanted her to be with me during the delivery and confinement, she is after all the person who knows me in and out and always love me no matter what. She is truly my pillar of strength.

I don't want to be selfish hence I asked her to come back only when she is truly well although I miss her terribly. I need to be strong for Qiqi, I need to be a good mummy for my little one... but god knows deep down inside I feel so painful. I will bring Qiqi to see granny and pray once Qiqi is a little bit older, although granny is no longer around, but I'm sure she's blessing us from above.

First few days post delivery, I was so tired and emotional. Hubby was there all along but I felt that he did not really understood me. (why am I writing as though he has no access to this blog? LOL)... Until now I feel kinda distance from him, I tried to be passionate, hugging n kissing him, but somehow he is not very responsive. Maybe he is tired, maybe there is less love or passion? I don't know. All I know is that I really hope he can be more appreciative at this moment, I am not only a mother now, I am still a wife.

But I kept reassuring myself, he loves me loads, else he wouldn't help me, care for me, help out at night, support my breastfeeding. Maybe it's just my hormones playing games on me.

I know life will never ever be the same again, I can never ever go to bed carefree, for I will always have another human being in my thoughts. I used to tell people I love my pet, Baby like a child, and when they don't understand, I told them, they wouldn't understand because they never had a pet. I guess deep down inside they must have been thinking, poor girl, U will never understand cos u never have a child yet.

Having a child, an offspring you share with your other half is the most amazing thing can ever happen to a woman, it ranks at no 1 while a perfect wedding ranks at no 2. I am so fortunate to have both, without really working hard tor trying too hard. I am married to the man I love (as time passes by, I realise that I love him more and more, a different kind of unconditional love which I don't know how to express) and I have no doubt he is my soulmate (if such thing does exist). And now without trying as hard as other people, I have a sweet little princess, which I have fallen in love at 1st sight with.

Qiqi is a sweetheart, only cries when she has poo poo or pee pee or hungry. My heart aches when I saw her in the phototherapy treatment for jaundice, and I couldn't help myself so I cried in front of all the nurses and walked away, as I really couldn't bring myself to watch my baby crying under the photolight.

She is the only thing that keeps me going n being strong for now. I love u Qiqi...

Babygirl - mummy's lil pwincess

babygirl.. its already early april.. and mummy is getting anxious and nervous to see u. i know i will fall in love at 1st sight once i set my eyes on u. can't believe i'm finally becoming a mother.. and it really feels like i've grown up so much more in the past 6 or 7 months than i ever had previously. having u also makes mummy fall in love n appreciate ur daddy more.. he truly is the right one for us isn't he? so sweet n loving.. making mummy love him more n more. babygirl.. do take care of urself ok until u r out here with mummy n then let mummy take care of u for the rest of ur life. i love u already pwincess babygirl!!

Daddy n Mommy

2 more mths before our little baby girl comes into this world... it has been a smooth pregnancy thank god... with ur love n care =) I really couldn't hope for more than what I have right now. I love u darling...

Can U Believe It??

Yes.. we have been married since 10th Jan 2010... unbelievable how time passes by...

first post from my darling's iPhone

I'm here darling:) this is the first post posted from darling's iphone. I love you so damn much!

Where r u???

sux la... get me liao no need to update blog is it? i love u darling!! LVOE YUOOOO

Half empty or half full?

Since I got the call from my ex colleague abt Jhay... I feel that anything and anyone can leave anytime...

What touched me the most was ur understanding... u didn't ask me anything but jst hugged me as I cried. I'm glad to have found such an understanding man... who knows when exactly I need ur hug... and today... u came all d way to see me for lunch... almost feels like the beginning of our relationship when everything was flowery and nice...

Thank you dear... for u have been most wonderful lately... I will work hard to keep it that way... I love you...

I'm sorry

I'm sorry for doubting you.

Dear mermaid...

"You aren't going to be his 1st, his last, or his only... he’s loved before; he will love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He’s not perfect - you’re not either. If he can make you laugh and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He’s not going to be thinking about you every moment of the day, but he will give you a part of him that he knows YOU can break - his heart. So don’t hurt him, don’t change him, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad and miss him when he’s not there. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always ONE guy that is perfect for you."

Reposting this to remind myself again and again not to give up during this tough time. To remind myself to enjoy the journey rather than to hope to reach the destination. To remind myself of all u have done... all d happiness we shared... and again... to remind myself not to give up...

For my sibeh sui bor

I just miss you so much, being away from you so so far away make me really miss your hugs
miss arguing with you :-P
miss can't help smilling when just after I drop you off and you get off my car, close the car door and when you look toward me... thinking you can't stop looking at me... until I realise you wasn't actually looking at me but you are just looking at your own reflection on the car glass windows admiring your own beauty... it's just crack me up :P hahaha... well this isn't a romantic way of putting things, but I really tickle me in a nice simple way and I miss you even more and it's just so nice to have the feeling of being love. Know for sure, even from a far, even being physically far a part, I am already own, I am already complete.
Knowing when I am being screwed by customer here due to some problem with the system, even it's not totally our fault and yet just has to take the blame, just the thought of you, the thought of having you love me, make all this shit bearable. I just so love you darling, my wifey!!!! I love you!!! I love you!!!! I love you!!!!

Dua Pui Ang dearest...

When things get so tough...
and all I wanna do is give up...
I think about how u always make me laugh...
With your fat belly and your smelly fart...

Thanks for every little wonderful things you have done for me... taking care of me... sharing your life with me and most of all... loving me...

I couldn't have smiled so wide and laughed so hard if it wasn't for you.

I love you hubby... now, future and eternally my hubby...

True Love...

Find arms that will hold you at your weakest, eyes that will see you at your ugliest, lips that will kiss you in both instances, and a heart that will love you at your worst. Only then will you have found your true love...

Day 1

There was nothing much to do at work... maybe I was just feeling kinda down to do much... mindfucking myself again... doing some comparison between my dear's past and present...

Just feel like knocking my own head sometimes... why do I let something that happened so long ago and before u met me get to me so much...

I kept reminding myself... what we share now means much much more... now that we are both more matured... and we are both so willingly to commit 100% to each other. If things with our pasts were so great.. it wudnt be left in the past... and this applies to me too...

Was chatting with both my exes... the 3 yrs one and the 7 mths one... both of them messaged me first. The 3 yrs one is still trying to get over his heart ache... he's over me... but he's jst not over the fact that he got hurted by someone... he's 29 this yr... maybe after calming his broken heart for 4-5 yrs.. he shud be at ur age and meet his special someone.

The 7 mths jerk has met someone new... suprisingly her name starts with E, she's my height and is very much like me. Rebound or fate? I don't even wanna find out....

All this mindfucking tears my heart apart... my hand was shivering cold and my heart was beating so fast... took a walk to the ladies and sat on the toilet throne and just thought to myself... hey... if everything goes well... we will be husband and wife in months... what past and what failed love can fight with that?

Darling I know I have been less than understanding sometimes... I hear what u say but refuse to hear you... I'm never ever gonna give u the u are too good for me therefore I dont deserve u kinda talk...

I deserve u and u deserve me... I'll just learn to appreciate you more and never ever give u a reason to walk away or give myself a reason to walk away. Darl... breaking up or divorce is not an option to us yea...

I miss you so damn much it feels like I lost a part of me... the heart feels empty and I just wanna go to bed at 9pm so that tomoro comes faster... and Thursday comes faster... I just don't want you to know how much I am missing you right now... don't want u to feel disturbed and not able to concentrate on ur work...

Darling I am so proud to be your girlfriend... and your loyal partner... I love u so much...

Gonna get a drink n get sleepy... until tomoro comes... missin u loads....

A letter to myself

Dear mermaid...

"You aren't going to be his 1st, his last, or his only... he’s loved before; he will love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He’s not perfect - you’re not either. If he can make you laugh and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He’s not going to be thinking about you every moment of the day, but he will give you a part of him that he knows YOU can break - his heart. So don’t hurt him, don’t change him, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad and miss him when he’s not there. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always ONE guy that is perfect for you."

Darling... you are my perfect guy.... love you and gonna miss you while u are away... I'll be good... pwomise =)

=)

Whenever life seems to drift you away from me, I can't help but cry. You've grown to be such a part of me that without you life is no more than a desperate sigh. They do say love comes and goes, and to that I disagree. So, here's my hand, take it and don't let go of me.

A Non Copy & Paste

I wake up every morning not believing my luck when I see you sleeping beside me... every single time I look at you I just can't resist caressing your face...

Thank you darling for all the wonderful wonderful happiness in the world you have showered me. Helping me around the house... taking care of me when I am sick and sweeping me off for a holiday when I needed one...

I love you so much it shakes the core of my heart...

I thank god every night before I go to bed for granting me my soulmate, the man I wish to spend the rest of my lfe with...

I'd've loved you anyway...

I would've loved you anyway; I'd do it all the same; not a second I would change, not a touch that I would trade. Even if I've known my heart would break, I'd've loved you anyway...

Love is..

Love is a decision not an emotion or feeling,
that if made from the heart will outlast anything...

- Raul and Samantha Juarez -

Us iii

In life, love is never planned nor does it happen for a reason, but when the love is real, it becomes your plan for life and your reason for living

Us ii

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them